Its a choice
May 30, 2008 by hariette
You asked me why I am still not into something. I smiled. You want to know why I continue to do everything on my own. You said that why don’t I let someone into my life so that I would have someone to be there for me. I know you care, but I can’t give back that exact amount of care that you’re giving. Why? Simply because I think I am not yet ready. 
You told me he’s not worth the tears. That he’s just a coward ***hole who took advantage of my feelings. Maybe you’re right but its my choice. I choose to be foolish because I had believed that there would be a happy ending for us. But I was wrong and I paid for its consequences. I learned from that and I won’t fall for that same mistake again. 
Please don’t think that I don’t appreciate everything that you’ve been doing for me. Honestly I am overwhelmed,because I never had someone who cared for me that much. so fast and I’m really scared. You are reminding me of the feeling that I’ve been trying to forget. I am not scared to fall but I am scared of falling for the wrong person again. 
You already said that I can’t teach my heart about what I should and must feel and I really know that. However, I know I can somehow guard it. I’ve been doing that for years and I think I succeeded in mastering its techniques. I was hurt by that man because I did let him in-its my choice. As I had told you, I’m still at my healing, my wounds are not yet healed entirely and one wrong move could make it bleed again. 
This time I want to make sure that I won’t be repeating that mistake again. Maybe you’re timing is not right. Maybe in the right time and place, maybe things might work out between us.
But as of the moment, I really want to be on my own. I can only offer you my friendship. My heart is locked and it shall be open on the right time. Hopefully when that time comes you are still there to receive it. 
Thank you for waiting. Thank you for treating me special. Thank you for the care. Thank you for making me smile again.
mabigat eto. hindi ko kaya. hehe