iNsAnE_rEaLiTy

Four years ago, I was in doubt whether I’ll in a right track of my life. I am confused and afraid that my decisions were not right. I am afraid to fail those people who have been believing in me. I dream high because I want to achieve great things. I want to achieve great things because there are great people who believe that I can be great.
These people had been my inspiration in my life. There had been a lot of pain and struggles but they remain firm in believing in me. Its overwhelming to know that despite everything I’ve done they have faith in me.
Faith. Its so easy to say and spell yet difficult to explain.  Though I really can’t understand it … I just believe in it-that’s faith.
My journey was never a smooth sailing one. I always had the rough road wherein sometimes I feel I should give up. But you know why I never did? Because the people whom I treasured very much have faith in me. Whenever I feel like giving up, I just think about them.
These people had been my inspiration and strength. Now that I am near to achieve some of my dreams, I want them to share with my happiness. I may not be completely happy right now because of some unsettled things yet I am glad that I have these people on my side. I am this strong because I have them.
To my family and my friends who shared with my happiness and tears- thank you very much. Thank you for always believing in me. I am so thankful because God has always been good to me. I can never imagine how am I able to surpass everything without your prayers and guidance. Thank you very much.
I would like to offer these to all of you and I promise that I will never fail you. Thank you for loving me… ciao

Pain had been my companion for months. Sadness had been my playmate for quite a time. No wonder there is an evidence of wrinkles in my face. I almost forgot that life is simple, that it is only us who makes it complicated.
I have a simple life. I am a typical student… My life only revolves in my academic life. Leisure for me would be reading my favorite book, strolling alone in the mall, surfing the net and writing on my journal. I had lived that way for almost 20 years of my life. I am a self-confessed introvert… Most of the time I am not the type who loves to blend in a huge crowd… I prefer to be alone… I cherished my silence… I love being alone…
I thought I would continue to be that way. I thought I won’t be needing any special person to be my side. I thought people who knew and love me are enough, that I won’t be feeling incomplete without a special someone in my life.
However, by chance of fate, we met. Destiny has given us a chance to meet and someone be near with each other. At first I was hesitant on what I should do… I was not sure if I am indeed willing to entertain that strange feeling. Curiosity succeeded my being that I ended up welcoming this unknown feeling…
Somehow I lost some nerve… I forgot that I was once a very cautious lady. I let him get into me… I allow him to come near me…
I felt the pain. Somehow I realized that maybe this is life. I proved now that life is not always about what we choose to have. Sometimes the choices we make are not the best for us, yet we must be brave enough to accept the consequences that follow. I was not ready for the consequences yet I learned to bear with it. Its painful yet that pain didn’t make me a lesser person. As a matter of fact it taught me a very wonderful insight.
I think I had learned from my mistakes. I learned that we cannot choose who the right person for us. I learned that after those tears, my eyes are all clear again and ready to see the next wonderful thing that the world offers. I learned that its still worth it to wait for the next best thing. I learned that there are things that supposedly be taken into great planning.
Waiting after all is never a boring tasks. You just have to widen your perspective, lengthen your patience and enjoy each day…
I am trying to do it right now… Sometimes I am feeling bad about what happened yet I realized, the damaged had been done and I can’t bring back those time. So what’s the point of holding back? Its silly to continue to make myself believe with his words. I think I am smart to be gullible.

I still have a lot of things to fulfill… I guess this is God’s way of reminding me of what I promised on my Mom’s grave. I need not to be distracted by such a worthless effortless coward asshole... Hahaha That’s enough. Words hurt. hhahaahah
Good day.

(I’ll just wait for him to knock on our door… yeah!!!! dream on!!!!)

I SHOULD BE STUDYING… DAMN… I’M EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED… I DESPERATELY NEED SOME REST… I NEED SOME SLEEP…

I think I’m emotionally stable for a while… Being harassed for weeks had been a great help to forget what i should be feeling. Darn.. Don’t you know I am such a workaholic… Blimey…

If I started working, you will never see me stop not until I finished my work./. hmmm…

got an oral and written exam plus a paper on Econ 196… Is this really true? I guess its payback time… hehehe we were not listening to all the reportings that’s why sir Subade punished us… huhu

Rak en roll… Good luck…

Last July 28, I received an international call from my tita in the States. She delivered the devastating news… MY KUYA SHALOU PASSED AWAY…
The news was shocking and depressing. I was expecting that he was recovering from his illness. I am hopeful that I will be able to see him when we went to US… but it wll not happen again.
My Kuya Shalou had been fighting for his life for about months now. He had been bedridden and hospitalized for several months. As a matter of fact he stayed most of the time at the hospital.
I thought after the bone marrow transplant everything will be alright. I often pray that hopefully he can continue to bear the pain of blood transfusion. My kuya must be brave because he was able to take evrything.
He was… he was brave… Actually, I adore him for that. The strength he shown was awesome. He was the strength of the people who dearly loves him.
And after months of battle… God has fetched His beloved son. He has gone home to a place wherein pain can no longer exists. He has finally gone home to where happiness and peace reigns.
I will miss him. He had been a good cousin to me. He had been a great playmate when we were young. He taught me to do good in school. He inspired me to accept the challenges.
We may not spent so much time together, but I am very lucky because I had the chance to know him. He had been a part of my wonderful chilhood days. I will miss those times Kuya. The costumes we tend to wear. The ” lakwatsa” sessions… The swimming escapades.
Thank you for all the memories we’ve shared. Thank you for thinking for our welfare. Thank you because you allow us to have your Mom for a while when we were in Hong Kong. I will miss you Kuya, you are with my mom now, please take good care of her. Send my love and kisses to my beloved mom.
Farewell my dear cousin. Farewell  dear friend. I know someday we will meet again. I will go on first with my journey and I hope you will watch over me. I love you.

Tapos na pala ang summer. Di ko manlang napansin. Syempre pa araw-araw ata akong nasa lakaran. Babalik na ko sa dati kong buhay, makikita ko ulit ang mga kaibigan ko na medyo matagal ko rin hindi nakita. Syempre I’ll miss my best friends. Ang apat na importanteng tao sa buhay ko. Proud ako kasi hanggang ngayon kaibigan ko pa rin sila, despite our distances we managed to maintain the spark in our friendship. Iba-iba man ang priorities namin, minsan man kami sa isnag taon magkita, may iba-iba man kaming mga kaibigan kapag regular sems, in our hearts we know each others places. Diba, wala namang pwedeng pumalit nun eh. Iba pa rin ang smile ni Ira… Iba pa din ang pangungulit ni Jam… Iba pa rin ang tawa ni Cayo at syempre iba pa rin ang angking talento ni Ebits…
Mayamaya magkikita na kami kaya I’ll better sleep… morning

Finally school is over, another year has passed. This has been the most tiresome and secret revealing year for me. So many memories, so many events, but over all I had fun. I will surely miss those people whom I shared the year with.

To te roa, te sheryl, te nina… who are all graduating this april well thank you for everything. I really enjoy your company. I will definitely miss hanging out with you, especially te roa who had been my companion all year…

Whew… I’ll always cherish all our chikahan session, movie marathon and our lakwatsa together.

To Ate Nina… Hindi na tayo nakapag-uusap simula ng lumipat ka, di ko makakalimutan ang lakwatsa session natin, ang pirates may part three na kaya dapat panuorin pa rin natin. Grabe talaga… yung kagagahan natin sa sarabia.. hay… I’ll miss you. I just hope that you’ll always be happy and may you be successful in making your dreams come true… Thank you for the friendship.

To Ate Roa… ahahha I should not call you ate because in the first place mas matanda ako, pero nakasanayan na eh. I never expected na sobra tayong magbobond, dati kamovie marathon lang kita, ngayon kasabay mag dinner at syempre roomate pa slash ka chkahan… hay… kaya nga dalawa na room mo eh. Next year iba na tao sa room nio, wala nang magroroom ho except nalang ipagpapatuloy ni tin2 pero syempre iba pa din pag ikaw… hahah drama pero totoo. Grabe nakuwento ko ata sayo lahat eh…Alam ko magkikita pa tayo syempre di ba maglalakwatsa pa tayo. Ikaw ang kasama ko pag pupunta tayo sa Camiguin ahahaha… Lilibutin pa natin ang Pinas tsaka san nga tayo magtratrabaho. Kaya dapat mag-ipon ipon ka na… Wala muna tayog boyfriend ha, kasi tiyak panggulo yun sa lakad natin hahahha

Te sheryl… Kamusta naman ang pagfefeeling mung mabait ka pag kasama kami??? hay… Paano na ang pwesto natin sa dinner? Kulang na.. Pero I’m glad that we had a great time together, thank you for making me happy. Kahit busy tayo may time pa din tayo sa princess hours, diba? Amazing ahhahah

I had a great time knowing you, and I guess thats one of the million reasons why God chooses to throw me here. You had all been a great friend to me and I can assure you that I will always cherish and treasure my friend ship with you.

Thank you for giving me the chance to know you and be a part of your life. I will never stop thanking because you let me enter into your lives. I just hope that everything will work out smoothly and alright. Just always be happy as what we always do…

ALAM NIO BA…

… na everytime na nagigising ako binubuksan ko ang bintana sa tabi ko…

… na may tao akong nasaktan and hindi ko alam kung paano babawi sa kanya…

… na ung taong sinasabi kong sinaktan ko ay sinaktan din ako kaya quits na kami…

… na may mga tao talagang hindi marunong tumupad ng promise… i hate it…

… na may kailangan ata akong gawin pero hindi ko alam kung ano yun…

… na walang kwenta ang pinagsusulat ko ngayon… wala lang talaga akong magawa…

It had been a very tiring week… actually a very tiring semester although first sem is not yet over, I’m really looking forward for my almost a month break. I think I badly need that vacation… I can’t wait to spend my whole day watching my favorite shows on the television… hmmm… hopefully I’ll be able to pass all my subjects… *with cross fingers

Eventhough I’m kinda haggard with my school works, I’m definitely thankful… God has been a provider, giving me enough strenghts to pursue… Answering my prayers… hahahah like sana ang matanong sa aking question sa oral ay yung report ko… I love him!!!! ahhahah isa pa may assignment na ako sa English 10…

My problem will be my mangaement paper na up to this moment, we haven’t started… darn… thank God that Ma’am Annette move the deadline, because if not dMN i’LL BE IN DEEP SHIT… HAHAHAH sorry for that…

I just finished my report in Econometrics, and I think I did good… not excellent but its good, coz hindi ako nagisa…heheh buti nalang walang nagisa sa amin…

Thank you Lord for everything… I’ll prepare for the next week… Next week will be the deadline for some of our papers…

I have no specific Idea on what i should share… For past few months I’ve been busy minding others life without realizing that I’ve been regretting my own… i won’t elAborate on that, I realized that there’s a lot of formulated definitions for being selfish, because of wanting to please the people that surrounds me, I end up being selfish to myself. A friend told me once that thinking for yourself before others especially in special circmstances is not bad at all. I tried to be selfless, yet I honestly can’t be one…

I value all the people that come into my life, yet I can’t always prioritize them… You may keep on saying that I’m a changed person and you may not be happy upon knowing that fact, but this is reality… so insane, so unpredictable…

It’s a rainy Sunday… I felt extremely sad… SAying no to someone is indeed the hardest thing to do, especially if you had been so good to that person. But on the contrary saying no would mean a relief on your part like you had been lifted up… Honestly I am not happy with what I did but it helps a lot… Sometimes we have to learn to refuse. We can’t always accept everything. I just learned that sometimes I must say no especially if saying no would result to a good outcome. You may hurt them by saying that word but this is reality,right? :0